Trash or Treasure: The Banana Splits Movie (2019)

Kid's shows can be murder when they're all grown up.

Part travelogue through the byroads of lesser known movies, part guide to the dustier offerings found in the bargain bins throughout the land. The Raggedyman uses his experience of watching practically anything that crosses his path to sieve through the old, the obscure, and the just plain odd so you don’t have to. Take his hand as he leads you through cult classics, underground favourites, forgotten wonders, and new discoveries to let you know if it’s Trash or Treasure.

Reboots, reimaginings, and remakes have become so much a part of the movie landscape that they are now effectively their own genre of film making. And, like with any genre, after the initial innovation and interest people start working out the form and pine for someone to do something exciting and innovative with it. Well, good news on that front! The people behind The Banana Split movie certainly took that to heart and transformed a beloved 60s kids show into a gore filled slasher flick! Stop complaining, you wanted different and you got it!

“Hey kids! Who wants some road kill!”

The first thing to observe is that the makers have paid due respect to Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snorky by making it clear from the start that the film isn’t about the real Banana Splits. We all know that everyone’s favourite Hanna-Barbera rock band were flesh and bone, whilst this film is about a bunch of robotic mimics. Why? Well, probably because the Bananas are now about 70 and retired in 1971. Also, because getting that much blood out of their fur would be a real problem. The main thing is that this isn’t sacrilege. Well, not that much.

“You’re mission, should you accept it…”

The set up for the movie is relatively simple; a bunch of people go along to a recording of a Banana Splits show at Taft Studios, and on the same night that the show gets cancelled the animatronic Banana Splits go on a killing spree. They kill six people on camera and about a hundred off camera, and have kidnapped all the kids to put on a nightmare Saw version of their show because “The Fun Never Ends!”. The people who aren’t jerks mostly get out alive, the people who are mostly die, and the meaning of family and love is found amongst the blood and guts. Awwww. There are some other plots going on, but they’re essentially justifications for not feeling bad when you see someone killed in an amusing way. They’re (slightly) bad people, so you’re (possibly) not a bad person for laughing when they get (horribly) mutilated, okay? There’s also a plot about the main family, but you can see it a mile off and it just soaks up time between the start of the movie and the first random act of “justice”. Everyone else is just a mean-spirited slaughter, and you need to be honest about what makes you chuckle.

“Hey kids! Who want’s to play with Daddy’s saw!??!”

The kills themselves are relatively entertaining (I’ll dispense of the fig-leaf of morality and just assume you’re a sick bastard who laughs at these transgressive acts as much as I do), all be not starting ’til 35 minutes in and being pretty brief. Whilst they let the blood flow free and have moments of impressive makeup effects, they are all pretty short and direct affairs. A supercut of them wouldn’t hit 5 minutes, which is way below what an 80-minute slasher flick needs. Even the revenge deaths are quick 10 second snippets, and whilst the moments in between try hard to be creepy as all heck there is too much signposting of tension to really get you sucked in. Also, you just feel that the kids are never in any danger, which doesn’t help build up any sense of tension or threat for their scenes.

Fun fact: if you never install red eye LEDs the robots can never turn evil

This, and its uncinematic pacing, all points in one direction: the Syfy channel wanting something it could put on TV, rather than the full horror frenzy it could have easily been tweaked into. An understandable call, but an annoying one. However, it does mean that they can’t just throw the claret around and call it a day, so there are a surprisingly large number of strong moments that a harder 18 approach may have precluded. The family element really kicks in at the midway point, and the grand finale has one of the most “Go-On-My-Sister!” action-mom moments I’ve seen this side of Aliens. Dani Kind; my hat goes off to you! The rest of the cast also go very good jobs with very bad scripts, with everyone being believable whilst generic, and everyone screams when needed.

The perils of extreme tooth-brushing

The robotic Banana Splits themselves look great, and pull of menacing in a vital manner. The red eyes are weak signposting, but if you ignore that they’re easily the best killbots of the last five years. In real life they’re all +6-foot-tall and otherworldly as it is, so a touch of mood lighting and a removal of their usual banter make them edgy by default. Add on the corruption of their normal behaviour and its an easy slip into scary town.

“Did I leave the gas on?”

Overall the film manages to land a solid win by the pure power of twisting the original nature of the show. Were it tried with a generic kids show it wouldn’t even make it to the bargain bin, but by the Splits giving their name to it the parody angle kicks in. That does mean that you need to be at least partly aware of and attached to the original show to “get” it, otherwise you’ll probably find it all a bit tepid thanks to the “made for TV” aspect. Yes they tried something different, but they could have committed to that difference more rather than playing safe with an edgy idea. Fingers crossed, someone will eventually just do the Five Nights At Freddy’s movie to really show how it can be done. Still, it was enough of a treasure to watch and laugh along to with the family on Christmas Day.

The Raggedyman

The Banana Splits Movie is available to stream or buy on Blu-Ray and DVD here